When I was a baby stripper, 20 years old, an hour away from my hometown, in the city, I met a dancer who helped enable me to make some money. She was the only girl I immediately connected with in the locker room.
‘Amber’ just so happened to grow up with my ex boyfriend on the shoreline; my then “boyfriend” at the time. What were the odds of this? This was the first club for both of us.
We had to become friends obviously. Both of us Sagittarius soul sisters. It was destiny. Amber was/is a doll.
This was a topless hole in the wall thou, the owner insisted on private lap dances in his office on slow nights, but we never fucked around no matter how badly he would beg. My holes were sealed shut regardless from trauma. I didn’t know how to fuck even if I wanted to.
When it was time for Amber to move on to bigger and better things, she invited me to go explore a bigger city with her. She insisted on not leaving me behind. She drove us, out of state, to our first fully nude club. The girls there were stunning. Total babes. High class.
VIP rooms up to an hour, and prices I’ve never seen before.
Some girls were definitely fucking, but we minded our business. This was the only fully nude club I ever worked at. The topless bar joints were more my style as an awkward dancer, but Amber thrived with the late night shifts. Nude clubs stay open later, after bar hours.
(Amber’s tits were also huge. That helps.)
This out-of-state nude scene was also the only place where I connected with some of the other dancers to the point of exchanging social media. These girls were all so nice, treating us so kindly when hearing about our long drive.
Amber and I were instantly respected for the long haul to work. Sundays thru Tuesdays here lasted about a couple years for us.
Not a month goes by, that I don’t reflect on these times. As here we are, nearly a decade later, and those exotic entertainer girlies are now superstars.
The club thou went under with covid era, and has been permanently closed for years now, so it’s like it never existed. But these girls all still exist on my Instagram feed, and they live lives of power. Lives of freedom. Alive and well.
- ‘Sparkle’ was a tall skinny brunette who’s personality was being full-time vegan. She inspired me to give it a go myself a bit.
We bonded the same way most dancers did, out back, in a private gated sitting area, smoking quick indica bowls in-between stage sets. Very innocent compared to the hardcore dancers that preferred other drugs in the bathroom.
Anyways, Sparkle, is now a full-time influencer. She has 120,000 followers on her Instagram and is a signed FORD model. She models internationally. Her stripper days long behind her as she travels from major city, to major city, posting her strict gym/diet routines. Grown up she now eats grass fed meat, wild caught seafood, and pasture raised eggs.
She’s about three inches shorter than me, yet real hair longer than ever, and a gym built body that’s out of this world. A total stunner. A real model. All natural.
- ‘Tiffanie’ was a foreign, young mother of two, dental hygienist turned dancer. Huge curves, and long lashes she wouldn’t ever be seen without. Kind, and always ready to offer her lipstick to a girl in need.
Tiffanie is now an author, published on Amazon.
She wrote TWO books, and lives in penthouse city apartment. She went from east coast life, to a Florida city, ‘fun in the sun’ living. What a dream…
I too could of been a published writer by now. This blog was started the same time she sat down at her computer too. This makes me feel a little sad if I think about it too long.
Another Mae writes and shares her feelings on TikTok. I found her writing last summer while crying my eyes out over words unsaid.
TikTok’s “FYP (For You Page), Chinese algorithm, is nuts. Mae too appears to be haunted by her long lost love. That Mae writes:
If she won’t die from a broken heart, neither will I, right? I was so in love for so long, but it’s now hurting me. All my love with no where to go; all my love just rotting inside my chest cavity. I held on for dear life all that I could, and now I’m being forced to let go.
The doctor’s can’t find proof of a broken heart. The hospital says my heart EKG seems fine, and bloodwork great. X rays don’t show any chest or lung trauma, yet I have this heavy daily chest ache and that has taken hold of me. The pressure of all the unsaid just bursting within me.
Like a weighted plate that just sits on top of me… I sleep on my side, so every morning it takes about 15 minutes for my chest pain to settle. I’ve learned to live with my ache while I suffer in silence. My ears are ringing as I write this confession. God knows.
How could the best thing that ever happened to me now be killing me slowly?
Are all my best years wasted and behind me… Have I become jaded?
- ‘Jade’ was a petite, edgy, babyface girlie, last on this roster. Not jaded at all. So flexible, and incredibly talented on stage. Her pole dancing was art.
She now is a licensed esthetician. Moved across the country to Colorado, and lives her best life, engaged, and helping so many girlies look and feel their best with laser treatments.
After covid era closed strip clubs, Jade found go-go dancing with clothes on, and now she’s most recently a playboy bunny.
Playboy has shifted to mostly cyber content to mirror OnlyFans to my understanding, and Jade is an exclusive contract holder with Playboy for her modeling photos. No XXX videos, just sexy, half nude, art.
So we have a FORD model, an Amazon author, and a Playboy bunny- all classy successful women who used dancing as a stepping stone to the future.
What about Mae?
A successful Chaturbate cam girl fits into this equation somehow, yea? Where’s my “she made it out on the other side” story?
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We are on the heels of April, where it will be my one year anniversary of taking Chaturbate seriously.
I’m ready to “Spring Ahead” to new life, but I know in order to live a new life, one has to sacrifice their old life…
The local housing authority is currently forcing me out of my home of 9 years, and this sacrifice has come sooner vs. later.
I currently live in a house with legal Mexican Spanish US citizens, but I’m the “white girl stow away”. I’ve been hiding in an illegal attic space since 2015 while dreaming of moving to Pennsylvania one day.
I was waitressing at the time, at local lobster house. Having quit the nude club scene, I was living in a ghetto apartment with two other girls who were awful roommates.
A waitress was sub leasing her own apartment, and I was invited to stay there after my heat/hot water got shut off in my craigslist 2014 setup (that was a random girl living in her ex boyfriend’s place with the utilities way overdue in her name.)
One of the restaurant line cooks bought a house with his pregnant wife, and they were offering rooms for rent to help them get by. Word got around that the other waitress I was living with wasn’t a good fit for me.
Another line cook, Todd, secured a room there and referred me. I was too tall to fit in the basement like others, so I was given the attic. I was GRATEFUL to rent a room somewhere safe and new.
It was $100 a week, and I referred/shared the space for years with my younger sister who dropped out of college and also needed a safe spot to live. (We share the same mother and father while my other 3 sisters are half siblings from my mother.)
Little did I know my younger sister actually hated me lowkey. She resented me for moving out at 18, and living with my father earlier in life than she got to.
She introduced me to Xanax shortly after moving in with me, and she enabled me to waste so much of my life. She doesn’t believe in God, and her morals are a different ballgame than my own.
She had affairs with married men, and had zero aspiration for a future beyond waitressing. Her living with me was perhaps the biggest mistake of my life to date.
The devil will attack you through people you thought loved you.
Sister and her ex boyfriends drove me to the brink of insanity, and after years of drama I was able to convince my landlords to let me rent solo in September of 2019. My new solo rent was $750 a month in 2019, and has been $900 a month since after the pandemic in late 2022.
It took me months to recover from her emotional and psychological warfare. Her two boyfriends as well, that tried to claim this space as their own while I was labeled as an awkward stripper slut. They thought they were better than me.
A found an emotional support kitten July of 2019, Madeline, to help me heal and force my sister and boyfriend # 2 out of my place. She’s my perfect ragamuffin baby angel.
Right as I was ready to invite C.J. into my new peaceful solo space to talk seriously, and meet Madeline, the pandemic came next.
In early March 2020, Todd started an open case with the local housing authority, bitter that I was getting the attic to myself, when he felt that it was HIS right to be there instead of me.
He flooded the basement, and when my landlords asked him to leave, he went with a fight. He went the the town and ratted us out.
A legal space you can ask for 90 days to get out and be evicted properly, but an illegal space is different. Todd lost his request, and was given 30 days. The state Marshall served my landlord papers, and the attic was suddenly being inspected.
All my kitchen appliances were removed and we had to play it off as “an extension” of the second floor unit. It worked.
February 24th, this current year, I was just told our follow up “fire safety inspection” was suddenly happening in the next few days. We removed proof my existence once again.
A random leap year follow up, I guess.
March 1st, the housing authority, after being here twice in a matter of days, told my landlord the case is “under review.”
We held our breath, and I was given back my stove and fridge/freezer.
March 7th:
My landlord is being served certified paperwork from the town, and it’s all a nightmare.
In 2020 the walls of the basement were knocked down, and the housing authority left us alone, but now that it’s 2024 the rebuild set up is an obvious “violation.”
A follow up is happening soon, and for “everyday that passes while in violation there is a $100 fine.”
March 10th:
My landlord is now taking back the kitchen appliances. I’m now without the stove/fridge/freezer/toaster oven/microwave, and I’m now being asked to leave this illegal space ASAP. Basement tenant was able to move out overnight, and I’m now being expected to follow suit.
I guess won’t be attending Chicago Exxxotica, as I am now scrambling to find a place to live in three weeks time… a place that will take my cats. A place that will ignore my credit. A place were I could keep the Chaturbate dream alive.
30 days notice, and just like that, life is suddenly different.
I’ve have this shoebox attic to myself for so many years now… why now God? I thought I had, just a little longer. I wasn’t quite ready for a housing upgrade, my $1000 a month studio price range doesn’t really exist anymore around these areas… This is all I’ve known for so long now.
In January/February 2022 I secretly went looking online at a couple Pennsylvania apartments, priced around $800, credit back then was great, but I was still lacking money to move. I couldn’t take the leap of faith quite yet, but even if C.J. couldn’t be the one for me, I was sure I wanted to relocate there.
Studio apartments for rent all in my area demand triple the rent on paper, a 675+ credit score, and/or no pets.
I have two cats, and bad credit. A lump sum of cash thou, could perhaps outweigh this. First month, security, and last month’s rent down payment on a one year lease ought to allow some wiggle room here.
The disabled woman, mother of my ex boyfriend from 2012, has a spare room in her basement while I need time to save money. She wouldn’t charge me rent while I took care of her, but the internet at her place is terrible.
Moving back in with the mother of my ex boyfriend will kill me. It will destroy the dream I put all my chips into, sacrificing Chaturbate is NOT an option… perhaps she would allow me to seek a fiberoptic installation if it was available in her area, thou?
I’m not a quitter, but fuck that’s going to suck. Chaturbate peace and freedom means everything to me, but how do I find a way to make this work alone?
I can’t do this alone.
SOS.
