I reflect back, and wish I captured the way Jhalil slapped my face- on camera.
In the past I’ve only been cheek-slapped, in between, gliding thick cock down my throat.
^But this man liked under-palming my cheek lightly and quickly, while his dick was in my mouth. Slapping during sucking, instead of in between has more assertiveness to it for some reason.
Intimacy vs Punishment- it was.
I looked up at him, and kept eye contact with 1-2-3 then 4 quick, rhythmic face taps all in a row. To be his ‘birthday fuck’ was my pleasure.
He liked feeling his bulge on the inner side of my cheek, while just half his cock was covered in my mouth, as he lightly pushed my right cheek against his throbbing hard-on all the meanwhile with every light slap.
I lightly whined for him to really push his FULL cock past my tongue, deeper inside my throat, but he was just having fun with only half of his length- wet with my drool.
Not sure if it was the sound, or the spit sensation, but he was amused.
__________________________
Prologue:
It was the Sunday morning of ‘Valentine’s Day’ weekend, I had treated myself to an edible after breakfast, as I hadn’t taken any THC yet that weekend.
With “the 14th” holiday being Friday, of course grief emotions were lingering per usual w/ either my mornings or evenings.
Looking out the window to just breathe, and not let my imagination wander, I’m starting to catch the hybrid buzz.
There’s a small laundromat parking lot directly across from my bedroom window, and I’m always curious to see who is currently using their time for laundry responsibility.
To my surprise, without my glasses on, I’m seeing a silver car, and ‘C.J’s ghost’ vaping in the front seat, moving back and forth in front of his steering wheel, visibly distressed (or maybe just listening to rock banging music on headphones??) !
I have to blink a few times, look away, look in the mirror, and then look again, just to make sure i’m NOT just tripping balls.
I even recorded a clip or two for my own “Snapchat memories” sake, and I out loud question my sanity, as I use the camera zoom to get a closer look at this ghost still vaping, and rocking back and forth in his seat…
I’ll never delete that phone file- bet on it.
I almost want to open the window and yell out his name, but I realize I need a mental hospital IF I were to do that, so a little frightened I walk around in circles instead.
I’m panicking now actually. Should I go introduce myself?? Is this my soulmate’s long lost twin brother waiting for me!?
The Sunday morning after Valentine’s day? Almost 1 full week since the Jayvon experience. Is this my destiny?!?
I look again before I decide if I am to run outside to him. My hand palms are stinging with nerves, and my heart rate is accelerated because my life is a movie sometimes, and I’m not crazy (!)
Now he’s outside next to his car, but alas there’s a girl pulled up next to him with a red plastic tank of gas to help. Must be the girlfriend, I thought
How could I be so stupid? …. the adrenaline rush took a moment to pass.
______________________________________
^I try to forget this ever happened, but every early morning for the next few days, all I see is this damn car parked alone in the lot now. She must be living right nearby. A neighbor this girl is… and her boyfriend’s image is now here to taunt me. God help me.
…Later that week I doll up real sexy for some at home photos. Local pharmacy-mart closes midnight, and I usually walk over few minutes before close on the regular, weekly.
^Having car problems this is my next best shopping option. The walk from my house takes all of 90 seconds with a brisk pace. This was routine all pre-Corona era.
The cashiers of the joint know me as the ‘tall bum girl in her p.j.s always.’ *Work from home perks- mind you*
I want to show I’m capable of being a woman, and looking wicked hot thou… so for a ‘change of routine,’ I decided to walk over around 9pm, so I can get hydrated, then shower off my ‘excessive beauty’ -and go to sleep as soon as possible thereafter.
I scurry past the silver car parked on the street LITERALLY 2 houses from mine- same street side. “I guess I know where she lives now,” I told myself.
I try to not even look at the car, as I wanted nothing to do with the ‘delusional thought/memory process’ while sober.
On the walk back I again have to pass his car except the windows are now down, and the car is on. I see the glow of interior stereo nightlights(!)
I hold my breath for the next 2 seconds half-looking, as while passing by- I hear, “HEY WAIT”
I swear to God my heart fell out of my chest as I stopped, turnt my head and squinted to make eye contact with the man ‘I already knew but didn’t know.’
It’s the night of Febuary 20th, 2020: I scream to myself the date because I’ll need it documenting my time of death with the angels in heaven when I’m signing in, and in case I die right now from shock.
I’ll die happy- here I go:
__________________________________
I didn’t die, as it wasn’t Mr. Pennsylvania in the drivers seat.
His twin thou, who is this? Who could this be? This man gift from God. He sure was smiling at me, this mystery man.
‘Store Brand C.J’ has a name- It’s Jhalil, and he’s foreign.
Now when I say foreign- I mean not black, or white, or Italian.
Remember, I’m the illegal ‘white girl’ rarity that lives by herself, secretly hidden in the 3rd floor ‘attic apartment,’ in a house of legal Mexicans…
(Being 6ft” tall I couldn’t fit in the basement apartment)*
This. Is. Real. Life. Ladies and Gentlemen.
I’m so far from the ‘normal and expected’- it’s not even funny.
Jhalil immediately asked me if I live nearby, after pretending to ‘ask for a smoke.’
I was a deer in headlights while locking eyes with this ghost of a man in front of me. All I had was the light off the tablet in his lap, as I moved to get closer to him.
His first words to me were “You got a smoke? I have $1.”
I said “Hi.. No, I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I have ‘CBD hempettes’ inside my place if you wanna sit tight a moment… I’ll go get them?”
“No it’s okay, I don’t smoke cigarettes either, I just wanted a reason to speak to you”– he cooed.
______________________________________________________________________________
Small chat led to a number exchange. His last words on our first encounter were, “I just can’t stop smiling“
That’s some ‘High School Musical’ shit right there.
I immediately became intoxicated at the thought of a ‘godsent co-star cock’ for my webcamming income that had still yet to ‘take off.’
Especially that of another Pisces. How Blessed!
One week later we have a sushi date on the 27th of February. Turns out he’s just ‘the boy next door.’ 29 going on 30.
He moved on my street, renting just a room, in October without my noticing of it, and he admitted to me- over our 1st and only lunch date- that he’s noticed me walking across the street doing laundry a ‘few times.’
I confessed, in the same moment, to watching him ‘run out of gas(?)’ prior to our first meeting… but I didn’t mention recording him via Snapchat… as that felt creepy to admit out loud to a stranger… it would be a story to save till the night of our engagement I figured.
He laughed about it, and explained the girl who helped him that day was his ‘ex of a few years.’ He didn’t have friends in the area, and his hometown is almost an hour north- so he said.
What a fantasy this was. A dream: THAT FELL RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY.
I was very ready to accept the store brand version of my soulmate simply due to the fact that, without my glasses, he was Mr. Pennsylvania’s profile.
A bit taller and skinnier, and he could speak 2 languages fluently… Unfortunately, none of that matters when I learned he “didn’t care for technology”- his words exactly.
He didn’t know the first thing about computers, and I was offended. Reality check: I’m a nerd and so my future husband has to be as well. Right? C.J knows HTML code, and works in I.T.
The ‘long-term dream’ was crushed immediately, but I still trusted that his cock could be decent. His ‘Pisces cock’ just had to be better than average. It had too. I was fueled by desire/delusion missing C.J.
So, we kept text-courting each other every few days after the lunch date, and he definitely built up the anticipation of a rendezvous… he knew how to flirt this man.
____________________________________________________________________________
It was the night of March 9th, another Monday but of course, when I received the bait-text we were waiting for.
It was about 6pm, and he was celebrating his birthday with friends in his hometown, and he asked if he could “see me” before bedtime.
I never invite strangers in my small living space designed for 1 person.
I was however weak, weakened as a special birthday in Pennsylvania was just 1 week passed on this date. I so very much wanted to be unwrapped like a birthday present. Just not his present…
I instruct him to take a shower when getting home, and to text me when he’s ready to walk over to me.
He accepts my clear directions, and I walk him into my apartment around 10pm later that night: wearing nothing but a silk bathrobe.
“How much have you had to drink, Mr.?”- I ask concerned, as he bounced up my apartment loft-steps excited to fuck.
“Shut up- I don’t drink and drive. I only had 2 beers so far,”- as he pulled out a fresh glass-bottle 6 pack out of his suspicious backpack.
He chugged a fresh one in a matter of 2 minutes, before stepping into my 2nd bedroom/camroom (lit up by LEDs light only)
He wasn’t getting my bedroom. I can’t ever have someone else in my bed unless I know they are someone special, and I already love them…
I take 2 showers a day, and wash my bed sheets once a week because of my cat. I take my personal clean space seriously… even before Corona I struggle with trust and germ anxiety given my immune system disorder.
^It’s also the bedroom principle of not being an ‘easy slut’, right? (No shame to the ladies that chase excitement)
… Afterall I was about to have a lapse in good judgement… I wanted to get extra slutty this night of nights. I was shaven, and ready.
He was impressed by the strip of color changing lights above him, as I gestured over to my beanbag chair for him to sit.
“So you want a birthday lap dance- I softly whisper– or should I just get right to the point?”
He laughed a bit, and asked me, “What have YOU been drinking?”
I actually hadn’t smoked or drank, because I wanted to be asleep by 1AM. I was extra sober, as I wanted to remember every detail of this encounter for the record.
(Plus, let’s remember it was a Monday freaken night, and being quit from dancing I stopped getting “wasted” on Mondays since December 2018- hello)
“It’s not MY birthday babe.. I’m just eager for your cock I guess“, I reply while locking-in heavy eye contact.
He broke the staring contest and took off his glasses, and my heart fluttered as my lovesick imagination was already lost in the world of ‘make-believe’.
C.J wears glasses, but behind them his eyes are hypnotic.
(Years later I see his eyes as my own, with my aged reflection looking back at me, and it kills me to keep this detail to myself. He doesn’t care about my eyes.)
However, back to this hookup, my heart is now ‘falsely fluttering’.
Will I be programmed like this the rest of my life? Haunted and just always wishing for the one who could never be replaced in my memory ??
^That’s just the way it f*cking is since 2013…Dominance and submission in it’s truest form. I didn’t make those rules.
___________________________________
He said “Turn around, and show me that ass,” While sliding himself forward and closer to me. I was standing up and he was eye-level with my pussy.
I do as he asked, but I feel myself hesitate, as I could predict what he next wanted… I bend over and sexy sway as I touch my knees… my mini silk bathrobe moved up, and to my sides revealing myself to him.
He held my ass with both his hands, and he moaned as I could feel him lightly pulling me closer to his face.
“Some birthday cake you ordered perhaps?- I coo.
“Don’t move,” he said boldly, as I felt him tongue dive into ass and all around it.
I very much move, but he super gripped me with both his hands as I swayed forward and back onto his face, all the while making surprised noises of mmm + uhhhhh + ahhhhhhnnnn mmmm nooooahhh exhaling nerves I was.
I immediately thou, slid my hand in front of my pussy blocking his mouth from traveling south of where he was. I was quick to protect myself, as I was bouncing my ass off his face lightly.
It took him a minute or two, before he asked me, “move your hand.”
I shook out of position, and turned around while dropping to my knees.
Placing my hands now on his jeans, I command “Take these off, before you ever tell me what else to do!”
He was rock hard- and it was noticeable even with the jeans… perfect. Had to be at least 5/6 inches I mentally noted, so that was a relief.
I left the room, and came back to him both shirtless and pants-less. Just boxers, and a defined upper body that surprised me(!)
Working in the local Amazon warehouse he basically was a labor mule for 6-8 hours at time. Lifting heavy weight mostly, and he had a passion for martial arts I forgot he mentioned over our only date.
I handed him my mint Mouthwash.
He got up and said “what-noooooo- why??,” as he shoved it back into my hands.
Instead of appeasing me, I watched him go to the kitchen and suck down beer #4 in a matter of 90 seconds… is this what dating app culture is? I’m puzzled.
We play-tussle as I explain to him why mouthwash was important. He eventually listens to me, swigs the Listerine, then smacks my ass and back in the cam-studio we were. This time he pushed me on the beanbag.
Lowering himself down on his knees, while rubbing my thighs, he grunted “I wanna see that pussy”
“Just see it”?- I question back a playful tone.
I was not prepared for this man’s energy. Instead of talking back to me, he dove face first into my pussy, holding my legs apart forcefully.
Half unsure, and almost startled I gasp “Please be gentle, I don’t know about this…”
“Shut up- It’s MY birthday,” – I heard, as he *WAM* slapped one outer thigh pretty harshly.
After the dominance slap I shush, but mildly tense up as I don’t have much experience receiving head, vs giving.
_______________________________________
I flashback to years ago in C.J’s apartment. He knew how to under-palm pussy while licking it, and it was only a brief moment of pleasure… but I never forgot it, as it my first time ever being touched inside, palm up with 2 fingers. It was wild to me considering I never learned how to finger myself.
As a- used to be- dancer I never let men touch my skittle, or my pussy, no matter what the ‘dance’ tip, and to be so extra guarded about it, it means a lot to let any touching happen…
Pennsylvania was the first when I was 21 going on 22, a “one night stand” that was too rough in prior years, left me fearful of any pain.
_______________________________________
I snap back to reality, as this man was yet to touch inside me with his hands, and I suddenly didn’t want him to- as I felt guilty for recalling such a lifetime ago when C.J lived much closer, in that moment.
I push his head away, and ask him to stop.
“Why? You taste so good, babe”
“But… I …. I don’t even know what your dick looks like yet! It’s not fair to me… Maybe I won’t like it, and this is pointless IF so“- I ramble
Are you serious right now…? Where’s my fucking JUUL“… He gets up, puffs his JUUL, and I hear him knock back another beer bottle.
Kissing was off the table given his beer breath, but when he swayed back to the beanbag I thew a hug on him. I apologize for being fickle, and this time it’s my turn on the floor.
He sits up straight, as I get on my knees in front of him. I could tell he was lit.
I touch him, and I’m eager to know more.
“I’ve been waiting for your cock, you know this?”- I ask and play sweet, while already immediately realizing he was a ‘show-er and not a grow-er.‘
Fuck – I thought.
I was getting 6.5 inches at best, but putting it in my mouth maybe I could make it a stiff 7.
“Ready for your actual birthday present?“- I whisper half nervous, but ready.
“I mean If you want, but I could eat you some mor—“
I cut him off by spitting on him, and looking at him for the first time, as I never asked for a dick pic prior.
Note: In sexting earlier that week I learned this guy wasn’t used to blowjobs -or so he claimed. I guess the ex of a few years conditioned him to believe it was ‘too much effort’ or something crazy like that… but maybe he lied for game sake.
He texted he “just doesn’t get off with head,” when I suggested “sucking him dry.” This wasn’t a lie after all.
___________________________________________
I immediately suctioned my lips around the head of his cock, and started moving my face forwards and backwards.
Same as Jayvon, the Pisces before him, the thickness just wasn’t there…. Of course not, right?
I swear Italian cock is just irreplaceable…
I guide his hands up to my hair, but for some reason, maybe surprised, he took to holding me by my shoulders as I got faster with sucking. Tipsy, much?
One hand on my shoulder, and one hand now on my ear/ by my eye- the satisfaction noise started.
I felt my pussy get wet inside, as my hips sparked desire, while listening to him moan for more.
I get my tongue to his balls, as I attempt to measure his cock mentally with my ‘throat memory‘. I mildly gag while pushing him right against my reflex.
He pushes me back by my shoulder, and starts lightly caressing my face while only letting me suck half his dick now.
I whine for more, but he softly says, “Take it easy baby, I don’t need you to choke.”
It was at this moment, I realized I was dealing with a simp. Not a dom. No sub space to enter.
A store brand simp.
I immediately lost interest. I need “kill me with your cock” energy when on my knees- or I’m done.
Am I damaged? Perhaps.
“I’m really wet“- I gasp. With his cock out of my mouth, I realize it must of been after the few minutes of heavy spit flow and receiving light, quick, ‘good girl’ face slaps, after his caressing.
“I wanna taste more…” – he started.
“No, I want your cock-” I say ‘fake breathless’ while placing a condom in his hand. It was my turn to enable the penetration after the Jayvon playdate.
One more note: February 2019 I bought a box of vegan condoms online to ‘try out’ on my sex toys because I was curious about anal training for webcam possibility.
I hate the smell of normal traditional condoms. Latex is yucky to me.
The expiration date was a couple months away here in 2020, and I felt it in my gut that it was a bad idea to brush the dust off the box earlier that evening, but I had no other option as nobody– not from PA- was getting raw dog privileges(!)
Given the beanbag set up, I quickly hopped on top of him in a matter of moments. This time I was holding onto his shoulders, as we both started noises of ‘mmmmmmmm.’
However, Mr. martial arts over here was pretty quick to lift my legs, hold my back, and place me on the floor underneath him.
With my back on the hardwood floor, he pulled out once, then proceeded to slide back in with wild thrust power. Holding the floor, he railed me with all his strength.
His cock felt no different than one of my sex toys, but given the cold floor I tensed up my cooter muscle, as I began to squeak and make louder noise.
“Yea, you like that?? Don’t be so loud,”- he said to me while keeping a steady pound pace.
“Choke me“- I whisper, as I didn’t enjoy that he was telling me not to make noise.
One hand on the floor still, he moved the other to my neck and he closed his eyes while squeezing my throat lightly…
I then now realized he had told me to stop making noise because he was trying not to bust.
I however, let out quite a sound thanks to the choke sensation I missed dearly.
In the moment, my memory tried ‘searching’ for the last time I was choked, but it was interrupted by the sound of sudden growling and his release.
Mid stroke, I heard him cumming, and I felt my pussy get ‘half warm’ inside.
I was instantly alarmed, but I couldn’t even speak, as he really squeezed my throat while finishing HARD. Choking I suddenly was.
I held onto his arm with both hands trying to pull his weight off my throat, but I wasn’t strong enough to pull him off. I kicked my legs, but it was too late.
He let go of my neck AFTER sliding his cock out of me, and my hands instantly went to touch my pussy and his shaft.
We broke the condom, and stating the obvious, I exclaim “I THINK THIS RUBBER BROKE.“
“Where’s my JUUL??“- was his response.
“My period is due in a few days, but this isn’t good… is this for real?”- I say panicking.
“Where’s my JUUL thou, for real “, I heard back sassy-toned.
I was immediately outraged, and I disappeared to clean up as best I could.
He eventually calmly said “…Relax, we’ll deal with it, IF you get pregnant...”
I DID NOT STAY CALM AS I FELT MY IMAGINATION ALREADY GET PREGNANT.
I was not going to be a mother because of a ‘store brand’ hook-up, and even IF it was the sperm of Mr. Pennsylvania himself: I wouldn’t be having this child !!
Mark my words: I will never be having children. I may one day adopt by some miracle of a marriage, but I do not want to push out a watermelon EVER.
I wish to be a rich aunt, while being the oldest of 5 girls I’ll be an aunt a ton of times surely.
I can’t handle sickness, needles, or labor. I simply will never give my body the chance at that kind of pain and suffering. End of story.
He walked down alone to the gas station past the pharmacy mart, and took out $40 from the ATM, after some not-so-nice conversation.
It was nice he at least had some integrity, as he offered to sponsor my morning after ‘Plan B’ pill.
After asking him to leave shortly thereafter, I never saw Mr. Store Brand again.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Epilogue:
March 10th, 2020 : I got the first afternoon appointment available, at the local ‘Planned Parenthood’ clinic the next day.
My normal yearly gyno-dr is booked a month in advance. Left work early that day, and told my boss the dirty details.
They gave me a free pill that was slightly stronger than a Plan B since it has been more than 12 hours since the accident.
It’s referred to as ‘the week after pill’, vs day after, and it was covered by insurance.
Popped the pill, then left praying to God I wasn’t going to be affected forever by this idiot. It couldn’t be in the stars, right? I couldn’t have a baby- I told myself over and over again.
Turns out said idiot only took on his high paying hourly graveyard shift at an Amazon warehouse for the sake of his small child.
His “ex” is actually his one and only baby momma that lived 50 minutes away w/ said child.
I blindly never noticed a car-seat in his car given his tints.
He didn’t even tell me he had a child, until after I texted him that I got my period, and ‘we had nothing to worry about.’
Bonus deceit: The contact number he gave me was a ‘WiFi #’ off his iPad that only worked for calls or texts while connected to the internet. *smacked in the face with a red flag*
I was nothing but a ‘play pawn’ in his world that I had no business in. I was just another opportunity for him to escape his life as a regretful father ‘trapped’ in a loveless relationship. Such BS.
It was all an illusion. A false hope, and a life lesson.
He could of gotten me pregnant, the night of his 30th birthday, and he couldn’t even care…
Corona/c0vid state shutdown, and his working for Amazon was our unspoken goodbye thou…
He only last texted that he knew ‘he was clean’, and that I had nothing to worry about to begin with, but we will never speak again I reckon.
I spent all of April in repent, embracing self-quarantine, but I’m glad I was able to see the girlie doctor one last time, with no mask, prior to the new ‘Corona Era’ unknowingly happening next among us.
